Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
