first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Randomize
