You can't motorboat a personality
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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