It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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