Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I deserve this hangover.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
