maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
