i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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