My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
