I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
