So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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