i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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