To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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