Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
