i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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