I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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