If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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