If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
