$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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