Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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