I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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