I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
