Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
