I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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