Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
