i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
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