I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
