My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
