I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
