Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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