The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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