a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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