if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
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