I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
