I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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