Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
