Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
