i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
