If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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