There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
