my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
