Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
