Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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