Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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