so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
