i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
