As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
