I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
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