I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
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Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
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