Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
