Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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