But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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