Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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