So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
