I look better un-naked...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
