he thought i was a dude.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
how does that bad decision feel?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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