You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
