i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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