There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I'm both gender and math confused
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
