Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
