he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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