I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
