i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
you inspire me to be a worse person
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
