I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Dear god my vagina.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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