I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
