Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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