Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
